Thursday, February 28, 2013
I went support two of my friends at family court yesterday in downtown Houston. They have been fostering to adopt a baby since she was born. Out of nowhere, this past few weeks, the caseworker has decided to petition to remove to place her in a DISTANT relations home who already has 2 handful of other children. Wow! We haven't had a placement in our own home yet but seeing this happy &%$# just trying to remove this wonderful child from these wonderful parents really pissed me off! The relation has never met the child, refused to take the child in when she was born last year, has never attempted to go to any of the court hearings, and has never asked for visitation with the child. Didn't even show up to let the judge meet her along with her petition for the child.
My fostering friends had 40 family, friends, coworkers and pastor show up in support for them. We filled the six benches in the small courtroom. We want the courts to know that the child is loved by all and in a healthy environment and community. I had my own little crying jag in the bathroom before court b/c I was so afraid that they would not see how loved this child is and take her away from ALL of us.
This caseworker, after being dressed down by the court for not filing ANY paperwork and also speculating b/c they could not answer the judge's question, had the audacity to come back to the benches to get her stuff and then looked at all of us with a little smirk and says "Well, that's not the outcome I was hoping for today." Then tells one of the foster parents "Don't worry, I'll be re-filing to come back to court again in 30 days."
Wow, she was a big "SEE YOU NEXT TUESDAY" if you get my drift! How can you say that to people who love this child. They are in pain, they raised her from the day she left the hospital after she was born. They've done nothing wrong. Dream parents! Is this what we have to look forward to? I know they try to reunite with family but seriously, a single woman with 8 foster children is the best they can find for this infant? I just cannot fathom it.
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Well the title says it! We are finally licensed to adopt and it only took 11 months of inpatient, frustrating emails, phone calls and requested meetings with our previous caseworker. All of that went out of the window with the words "I just called to congratulate you and your husband. You are licensed to adopt!". That happened 2 weeks ago.
Now the really hard part begins. We met with our new caseworker and I stuttered my way through the meeting. This past week, we had 2 phone calls for children but they were not a match for us. I asked our caseworker, since she is new to us, if she had our personality/characteristic packet and she said yes she did. I asked why did she call with children that did not match us and she said that sometimes people will say yes because they change their mind. So, let me digress for a moment.
If you should ever decide that you want to adopt an older child, and you go through the foster system be it through your state OR private agency, you will have to fill out an extensive packet about the type of child/children that you would accept. It lists everything from every possible mixed race to medical/psychological issues. Then, after you do that gut check, and decide with your spouse what you can REALLY handle and really CANNOT handle, you turn it in. Then during your homestudy, your caseworker will pull out a new one, and go through it with both of you again and asking you why or why not while also answering your questions on what some of the stuff means. Trust me, there were things where we said "OMG I am such an asshole for not being able to take this type of child with this type of issue" but you are doing them no favor by saying yes with something you cannot deal with.
So, yes, I really felt like an ASSHOLE for saying no to 3 children when all we want, is a child. As the Sheryl Crow song said "No one said this would be easy. But no one said it be this damn hard." I pray for so many of us going through this process. Two couples, who are great friends of mine, are currently going through the foster part of their adoption. The court mandated visits with biological parents and the court dates are truly devastating to them. I cannot imagine. I could not be a foster parent. I get attached to fast.
Well, that is all for today!