Friday, March 12, 2010
Hate be gone
Did anything ever happen to you that you just could not let go? I mean, did someone really stick it to you, stab you in the back or completely destroy your trust in mankind? Yeah, I figured as much.
So, that happened to me about 13-14 years ago. A person that I trusted the most just completely and utterly ruined my life. I have hated that person for such a long time. Laughed when I found out ill things happened to them shortly after and felt little vindication.
I really wanted that person's world to be shit. I wanted that person to live a long and miserable life. Well, I got my wish and it does not feel good.
That person got in touch with me this week after many, many years. Their life is completely destroyed, and they just came back from Iraq. Now, I am a veteran and I feel that no soldier should ever, EVER have to have their spouse destroy their relationship and life they built together over a 10 yr period, while the are DEPLOYED! Isn't it enough to just survive the day without worrying about your spouse cheating on you and going to jail and what will happen to your kid and why is there no money in the account?
So, that person got in touch with me because they feel that after all these years they are being punished for what they had done to me. I imagined a million times in my head what I would say to this person given the chance and this is what I said instead:
It's ok. I forgive you. As a matter of fact, somewhere deep down inside, I think I forgave you a really long time ago. People are not punished in life for their past deeds. Sometimes people just make really bad decisions and you get caught up in it. It's not karma, it's not fate, it's just life. I'm sorry too. Remember this conversation because one day, you'll probably be on the same end of it that I am today.
So I have quit hating my ex husband. I worry more now for his sanity and how he will raise his little girl. I am encouraging him to get counseling because he is a war vet and now soon to be a divorcee again. Good luck to him and thank him so much more for forgiving me because I really needed to be forgiven for my own ill will towards him.