Saturday, September 12, 2009

We Can't All Come and Go By Bubble!

My husband came home and brought in the mail. For those of you who don't know, we are raising his nephew who was severely neglected before he came to live with us. I have been doing so much to ensure he has a healthy environment to live in. I am even going beyond my comfort zone to ensure it! I am going to be his Class mom which means I will be interacting with kids which is something that I don't do on a regular basis.

So back to the mail, it was a letter from Cody's mom. His mother is in jail. I have been writing to her and she writes back pretending that she doesn't get my letters or won't answer anything that I asked her.

I had a breakdown, I told her how I felt in my last letter. I don't want him living back with her. She put him on prescription drugs (at the highest doses) that he didn't need so she could put him in special education and get a check every month from the state. He doesn't need the medication. He hasn't been on it since he moved us with us on July 2nd. He scored 3rd grade level and failed the 4th grade last school year. I had him put in 5th grade here and have been tutoring him enough for him to have all A's and a B average in his classes so far this year.

In her letter to me she says, and it is underlined for emphasis: I will not give you full custody of Cody. I want my son back.

Understandable for a mother who loves her kid but she has never wanted him before she went to jail. He lived with us for two school years, moved back in with his mother last March when she figured out she could get a shady doctor to put him on these meds and then the state would pay her $600+ for him. She has called every month after he moved back in last year for us to come get him everytime they had a 3 day weekend, or holidays from school or summer because in her words she "could not afford him to live with her, couldn't take care of him, or couldn't buy him nothing for Christmas so come get him."

Now she cannot bear to be without him? I don't think so. She knows that as soon as she gets out she will not have any money and he is her paycheck. I cried so hard today. Why can't women like this who bear children they do not care for ( I am not saying do not want or do not love because I do believe in her own misguided way she does love and want him) do what is best for their child?

If he goes with her, they will be hopping from friend's house, to house, to house sleeping on sofa's or the floor. He will only be able to take what he can fit in one plastic tote which is all he had when I picked him up this time. She will not, even when she can afford it, buy him clothes, underwear, personal hygiene items or shoes. Her excuse one time, when she asked us for money and I told her not to buy cigarettes for one week and she would be able to buy him new shoes, was that it was too hard to quit smoking. She could not do it. Who doesn't love their child enough to quit smoking or cut down for one week to buy him some Wal Mart shoes?

We are not exactly rich over here. I bought Cody a new wardrobe for school for $100.00 off the sales and clearance racks at Wal Mart when he moved in with us. If I would have been his mother I am sure I wouldn't have had to spend that much because I would have bought over time what he needed but he needed these things ASAP when he moved in with us.

I told her he was so behind in school because he never did homework when she had him. Her excuse in her letter today, "I can't make him do homework if he doesn't bring anything home. Besides the teachers played a part in not teaching him." WHAT? Let me tell you, Cody played that game ONE time with me and his butt was punished so quick he never did it again. I am not even his mother, so it's not like I feel comfortable using corporal punishment on him.

My blog may be all discombobulated and my thoughts everywhere but how can I put into words what she told me on the first page of her letter, with all the blame placed on others of course, THEN she turned around with her crazy bipolar self (I don't know if she really is I'm just saying)and said thank you for watching my kid, can he stay with yall for the whole school year or do you want me to come get him right away? Arghhh! I hope they throw the book at her on her court date. She is a freaking nut!

I will have to hire a lawyer before she gets out of jail and get emergency custody of him for now. I really don't have the money to spend and thought she would say to herself "my child has a better life than I can provide or am willing to provide for him. I don't really want to take care of him and called them all the time to take him so this is my out!" But no, now that she is in jail I am figuring she thinks she needs to be a good mama now!


  1. Save those letters from her and contact your local Department of Human Services or Child Protective Services people. Tell them everything you've put here and see if they can help you.

  2. I have contacted both CPS' in her state and mine. They referred me to the DA office who told me to get a lawyer. Real nice of them to take their job seriously right? I figure it's the whole "she's in jail already so we aren't going to do anything about it" attitude.

  3. The problem with Child & Youth is they are dealing with so many kids who are wards of the state that they really don't want to add one more to the list, so they want you to do everything possible before handing a kid over to them. Even though you'd be his "foster" family, he would still be in the system and he would have a lawyer assigned to him, and there would court dates for check-ups and probably they want to avoid all of that if they feel you and his mom can work it out amongst yourselves. And believe me, you are better off without getting C&Y involved. Their main goal is to reuited child and parent. The foster home can be a 20 times much better place to live, but if the courts feel the parents are making a good effort and for a year they "meet" the goals, they'll order that the kid goes back to the parent. It's kind of the "a bad parent is better than no parent" mentality. Plus, the states jsut don't have the funding to handle the amount of kids that come through their doors. (The courts don't semd kids back to a bad environment, but sometimes what seems like the obvious answer to us, isn't the obvious answer to the courts.) I worked for a lawyer who was a GAL and for C&Y, I saw so many kids who were "reunited" only to see them back in foster care after a few months. It was sad. The parents cooperate for a few months, but once they have their kids back, they just don't care anymore. (Don't get me wrong, some parents shape up and are amazing to their kids then.)

    You really would have much better luck hiring a private attorney because then you have a lawyer working for you and your nephew. C&Y will just be for your nephew and then they'll want to get him back with his mother.

    Sorry for the novel of a comment.

  4. I guess you are right but I want it to be DOCUMENTED that she left her 11 yr old child at home, alone, while she drove a friend to Texas where she was pulled over and arrested on a felony warrant. CPS should have stepped in at that point. But I can see what you mean. I don't want him to go back with her.

  5. I'm family (shh, don't tell) and I'll testify against her. I haen't seen her in years and all I have is hearsay but if I can help in anyway let me know.